Different Spending Priorities

What is it with women and shoes? As newlyweds, we honeymooned in London and Paris. It was our first time to Europe together and there was much romance and adventure to be had. Leading up to our trip, Emily informed me that she would be purchasing a pair of shoes in Paris. Little did I know that it was a cautionary disclosure. “Sure,” I thought, “how bad could it be?” In the crisp cool air of a late fall’s evening, a wide-eyed and smiling Dorothy left Rue Jean-Jacques Rousseau with a pair of red soled Louboutins. She did give me fair warning but I couldn’t help but think there’s no place like home.

While I poke fun, I am not completely without fault either. My vice isn’t shoes but shiny gadgets and gizmos. Take for example, Christmas 2008. We had a recently paid off a student loan and had paid for a wedding, honeymoon and down payment; our bank accounts were near empty. On that fateful boxing day, I wandered off on my own from Emily perusing through more shoes and stumbled upon the Series 8 Samsung LCD TV that I had been eying for some time. It was listed at half price – last one in stock. I found Emily, dragged her to the store, and made my pitch. She had some valid objections like “uh…we don’t have any furniture yet,” but instead of getting bogged down with the details, I continued to plead my case. We reached a consensus and bought the TV. Within minutes of the purchase, another guy in the store offered to pay me $200 to let him buy it instead- I kid you not, the deal was that good. We happily ate dinners on the floor of our unfurnished home in front of the TV for awhile.

Emily’s never understood why I need a new graphics card for our computer; equally, I’ve never understood cashmere. She doesn’t have much use for running shoes, and apparently I have a thing for sports apparel. The list could go on and on and the differences won’t resolve themselves any time soon.

Different Spending Habits

The fun doesn’t stop there. Not only do we spend on completely different things, but we go about buying them in different ways as well.

I tend to by big ticket items. I go without buying anything for months and then take a giant wad of money and drop it down for an item on my wishlist. Here’s the catch: it takes me forever to decide on what to buy. I’ll perform my due diligence beforehand, decide on a model and then proceed to hum and ha for months. If I’m not trying to upsell and convince myself as to why I need the better model with features that I may never use, I may well be still trying to find a better product on the market. Once I actually do end up pulling the trigger I’m immediately inundated with buyer’s remorse. I always hang on to that receipt just in case. Talk about a drama queen.

Emily, on the other hand, is more impulsive with the things she gets and makes many more small purchases. On occasion, she chooses to make a purchase for no other reason than it’s pretty. She is also the the most decisive shopper in the world. She’ll look at her options, pick out what she wants and then buy it without giving it a second thought. She will then proceed to somehow make use of every single thing that she buys.

Nothing illustrates our different shopping habits more than when we had to go shopping for new glasses. I tend to try every second pair in the store asking an opinion for each one from anyone who will hear me out. I will try on each pair of glasses, multiple times, and after the purchase, question whether or not it was a good buy. Emily will ask the store clerk for the latest in eyewear fashion, pick one from the three she’s presented with, and then be on her merry way. It mind blasting! Suffice it to say, she won’t go shopping for glasses with me anymore.

Our Solution

We buy different things and we spend money differently. If that’s not a recipe for conflict, then I wouldn’t know what is. After realizing this early on, we devised a solution that has stood the test of time thus far: His and Hers Spending Allowances.

We’re allotted the same amount each month for our spending allowance. New clothes, tech, nice to haves and cute pretty things all come out of our own personal stash. The money can be used in whatever way that we chose and can be spent according to our own spending priorities. The allowance is a roller where unspent funds accumulate month over month. Emily usually spends all her money by the end of the month. I haven’t touched mine for some time.

Having a his and hers allowance allows us to save and spend guilt free. I no longer question what Emily buys nor am phased when she makes a purchase that I don’t understand. I also enjoy not having to justify that TFC jersey I recently bought for $35, though I’m pretty sure I could see her mental faculties questioning mine.

 How do you and your partner handle your spending differences?