Are our kids fated to live a life of excessive consumerism?

“Like mother, like daughter” a popular adage to describe how a young girl resembles her mother. The phrase speaks not of traits defined by genetics, like how the girl shares the same blue eyes as her mother, but of characteristics molded by nurture, the influence of a parent on a child. When I see all my little boy’s toys strewn across the floor of our home, I wonder, “like mother, like son?” Will my child struggle with being an excessive consumer like his mother?

My toddler already owns too much stuff. This is at no fault of his own, of course; people (like yours truly) shower him with things. During the holidays, family and friends dropped by with presents- clothes, books, toys- for the little one. The generosity and thought were touching, but it also taught my toddler the concept of wanting and buying things. “Mama, Yee-Yee [aunt, in Chinese] buy books for Baby!” and “Popo [grandmother] buy car for Baby!”, he would tell me. What surprised me was when he found a toy car at the grocery store and asked “Mama, give money to buy car for Baby?”. At 18 months, he saw something he wanted and knew it needed to be bought with currency. People’s consumerism habits have an impact on my son; it indirectly influences him in way that unsettles me.

Shopaholic Baby

Society has led us to believe that children need a lot of “stuff”. From birth, children are bombarded with material things whether they like it or not and whether they acknowledge it or not. Googling “baby essentials list” results in a myriad of blog posts, articles and advertisements come up- all listing must-have items for babies. Today’s Parent newborn checklist  includes over 150 separate items. My pregnant friend was told her baby will “need” a $1800 crib. While I don’t deny there are products that are useful and convenient to have, newborns require very little.

Children seem to consume more as they grow- again, not out of necessity but because of societal norms. Enter any toy store and you are instantly overwhelmed by endless shelves of eventual dust gathering clutter. Even fancy hundreds-of-dollars electronics now also fall into the category of “toy”. A coworker of mine gifted his seven year old daughter with a tablet for Christmas; my twelve-year old cousin recently received an the latest iPhone for her birthday. A recent study suggested that nearly 25% of 9 and 10 year olds have their own cell phones with, most likely, a phone and data plan as well.  This percentage of cell phone owners jumps to 40% by Grade 6 (age 11-12). While the merits of cellphones for youngsters can be debated, it’s more important to consider the seed planted of good intentions that perpetuate a child’s perception of what is considered a necessity.

Parental Advisory

Exposing children to a lifestyle of excessive consumerism, however inadvertent, is a product of parenting. When parents consume in excess, they set an example for their children of how they should spend. Inevitably children adopt similar spendings habits and take on an analogous outlook on having “things”. Parents tend to give their children much more than what is necessary, triggering an expectation to have things.

It is an innate instinct for a parent to want to provide for their children. Intentions are pure, but execution may be faulty. Living in North America, our perspective of what should be given to our children is skewed by our own desires, insecurities and the media. For example, when the little one was four months old, he had a toy bird (named Lewis). The little one loved Lewis and was extremely happy one toy to play with. I was happy with Lewis too, until I visited a friend who had a toy room and two exersaucers for her baby of the same age. During the playdate, my babe gleefully bounced in one of the exersaucers. Watching my son so entertained, I felt a giant urge to buy him his very own exersaucer. He didn’t end up with one (they’re so expensive! And they take up so much space!) and, for a while, I felt I was dampening his happiness and stunting his developmental growth.

Product marketers prey on new inexperienced parents. All baby products promise one thing or another, targeting what the parent’s want most (such as sleep!). There are products, like white noise machines that are advertised as the “perfect night-time companion to soothe child to sleep… effortlessly”; what sleep deprived parent doesn’t want a baby who fall asleep by him or herself. Don’t even get me started on development toys. Wanting to ensure proper physical and emotional development, I searched for toys that would help with “fine motor skills”. Then the the oh-so cute this-and-that inside colourful boxes would have me reaching for my wallet. “Yes, this brightly coloured music-making contraption will indeed make my child a genius!” Any lingering form of reason would be blurred by clever marketing and I would yet again feel an urge to buy, buy, buy.

Counteracting the Effects of Consumerism in a Culture of Excess

How can I prevent my child from conforming to the societal norm of consumerism? British blogger Hattie Garlick decided to go an entire year without spending money on children’s products for her son, including kiddie food (goldfish crackers, I assume?), toys and clothes. She came up with creative ways to entertain her toddler, such as hosting playgroups instead of paying for activities. She even reevaluated the definition of “need” for basic products, like toothpaste, and asked an expert whether children need special toothpaste. I won’t be committing to a year of kid-free purchases (we have other challenges this year), but I am being more conscious of what I buy for him and why.

We are limiting the kiddie consumption. The little one, like his parents, has an allowance which we have full control over. We mainly spend it on used clothes (to replace ones he outgrows) and on disposable diapers for daycare (we cloth diaper at home). There is no budget for books or toys.

In lieu of new things, I am giving my son more of my time. From my own experiences, I believe time spent with parents is more valuable than Thomas the Tank Engine (or any of his creepy looking friends). I don’t remember the toys of my childhood, but I do remember riding the subway with my mum; we always tried to sit in the seat at the end of the train so we could look out the back window. I remember my mum playing a Chinese version of tag with my siblings and me; I was thirteen and a little embarrassed to be having so much fun playing a kiddie game with my mum, brother and sister. I remember my dad teaching me to build circuit boards and tutoring me in math. It is the moments my parents created for me in my childhood that leave the lasting impression. Those moments didn’t cost a thing.

As a parent, I want to create memorable moments similar to those of my childhood; moments that don’t require a lot of money. When we all come home from a weekday spent apart, we turn on some music and dance; Lucas likes the big bands so we twirl around and dip to the sound of saxophones and trombones. We prepare the next day’s breakfast together which often lead to spilled oats, hemp hearts and coconut shreds. Then we get out our brooms- he has a mini sweeper from the dollar store- and clean up our mess. We do the “Pang-Pang March” by banging our utensils on the way to the dining room to set the table for dinner; we do a regular march whenever whenever we need some exercise. On weekends we bake together. When stirring, the little one likes to stick his fists in the batter and yell “goopy!”. After naptime, we take trips to the nearby bookstore because of the giant Thomas track where kids play at no cost. The memories created are priceless- literally.

The Last Word

We do buy things for the little one and give presents- I still believe there is great value in gift-giving– but we try to limit the consuming and avoid living in excess. By being responsible in how we spend on him, we hope to set an example of fiscal responsibility. By giving him our time, we hope to skip the case of “gimmes” and help him understand what is truly valuable. I do not have a well-defined method that guarantees that he won’t yield to a lifestyle of excess consumerism, but I will do what I can to the best of my ability.

How will you help your kids avoid living in excess?